Was it Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse? A Personal Experience

TRIGGER WARNING: This page deals with child sexual abuse. Although the content is not explicit, it does describe sexually inappropriate behavior between a parent and child.

When I was trying to figure out whether my experiences as a child were abuse, I looked a lot to personal stories. There were a few like mine, but it took some digging. Most of the time, when we talk about sexual abuse, even between a mother and daughter, we picture rape, whether it's penetration (fingers or objects), forced oral, etc. But that's not the only form. There is also covert sexual abuse. Finding real examples of that was harder.

Telling this story chronologically is nearly impossible, because I have distinct memories but so many of them happened consistently at different times. So instead, I have divided this page into 1. The facts of what it looked like, and 2. How I felt those effects afterwards.

What happened?

All of the below happened while I was a minor, unless otherwise noted. I've tried to specify ages where I can.

For the full picture, she was also emotionally aubsive, which included behaviors such as:

The After-effects

I don't think the way I coped with it looks exactly like the response to other sexual abuse. This is not a "if you did this, you might be repressing childhood sexual abuse" checklist; it's more like "if you did/do these things, you're not alone."

How do you work through all of this? Personally, I had to process a lot of it when I started accepting I was gay. But I didn't process what actually happened in the past until later. My younger sister is still very attached to my mother, but our older sister was able to validate that she saw things that weren't normal. I later went to crisis counseling after being assaulted by a (female) coworker and with them I talked about a lot of it, and eventually accepted that it was, in fact, a form of sexual abuse.

I provide some resources below, but I also do recommend seeking advice from a rape crisis center (that may seem like an overreaction, but they do deal with victims just now processing things from the past, and if they don't think they're the best match for your particular experience, they can probably point you in the right direction) or other counselor.



powered by Typeform